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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
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8:17 pm - The Survey
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This survey is completley confidential, no names or screen names will be used, i simply need to take a survey for my hebrew high school class. I am doing a study on different activities teenagers engage in that are typically considered wrong, or inappropriate for people our age. The purpose of this is to proove whether or not the majority of todays youth engages in these such activities, and to see if the stereotypes placed on us are accurate. I realize some of these question are personal, and if you dont feel compfortabel answering any of them, please dont feel you have to, but the only one who will know the answers to them will be me... i will deleate any personal involvement on each and ever one i recieve back. Thank you.
1. How often do you go to parties with more than 20 people:
2. Where is your favorite hang out:
3. Do you ever drink alcohol:
If you answered yes to this, please answer the following:
3a. What types if alcohol have you tried:
3b. Which is your favorite:
3c. How much do you drink at a time:
3d. How often do you drink:
4. Do you ever smoke ciggatettes:
If you answered yes to this, please answer the following:
4a. How many do you smoke per week:
4b. In what situation do you usually smoke:
5. Would you ever smoke up (weed):
6. Have you ever smoke up (weed, marijuana, canibis):
If you answered yes to this, please answer the following:
6a. How often do you smoke up:
6b. Have you ever purchased marijuana:
6c. Do you ever deny smoking up to certain people:
7. Would you consider your self sexually active:
8. Have you had sex yet:
If you answered yes to this, please answer the following:
8a. How many times:
8b. Did you use protection:
9. How well do you get along with your parents:
10. Which parent do you feel you get along with better:
11. How do you get along wiht your siblings:
12. Which, if any social "Clique" do you consider yourself a part of (you may list multiple)
13. Do you ever do things you feel are wrong because of peer pressure:
14. Does society's standards cause you to purchase or act differently than you would like to:
15. Do you consider your self an individual or a follower:
Thank you for your time.
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 15th, 2001
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2:56 pm - cool
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LIFE = REALLY GOOD
GIRLS = NOT SO GOOD (MOST OF EM AT LEAST)
FRIENDS = SOME ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF, BUT SOME ARE REALLY AWESOME
LIFE = I AM SO READY FOR THE SUMMER BECAUSE I KNOW THIS SUMMER WILL REALLY BE A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO "FIND MYSELF" (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS)
EVERYTHING ELSE = I DONT KNOW, SHITS WEIRD NOW, I JUST NEED SOEM TIME TO GET THINGS OTGETHER, AND REALLY SPEND MY TIME WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MEAN THE MOST TO ME, MY FRIENDS
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 29th, 2001
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9:12 pm - so i lied
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Ok, basically i am just posting because marissa isnt on, and i have a lot to say right now, that i want to get out.
I miss you so much. Since we broke up, my grades have gone down, i have been unhappy with myself, i have gained 10 lbs, all of the worst things i know about myself have been comming out. I am getting depressed all the time. I really dont know what i want right now, or if i shouldeven be saying this, or if you will even read this, but i hope you do, because i want you to know i still love you as much as i ever have. I looked at some pictures i have of you, and i hurt inside. My throat closed up, and it got hard to breathe. I keep running different times we had together in my head, like the night at the football game, where we both went into my fleace because we were cold (sure thats why). Or the night i slept over after your sweet 16. The time you told me that the answer to the question i always asked (where would you rather be right now, and with who) was that you wanted to be on my couch. Or, the night that i remember most. The night we slept at my school. The night was pretty awkward, but my fondest memory of you was from that night. You were alseap under the sleeping bad with me, we were in eachothers arms, and you turned to me, half alseap, kissed me and said i love you. I dont know if you were even full y awake, but if you were, you would have seen the single tear that ran down my eyes, because i had never felt so cared about, in my entire like from someone outside of my family, then i did at that moment. I just miss making all these memories. Nothing eventful has occured in my life since then. As dumb as i must sound, i cant help it. This is nothing more than the tip o fthe iceburg about how i feel, but ill save the rest for some other time. please, tell me how you feel about all this. it would really help me see where things stand.
I love you,
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 20th, 2001
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3:46 pm - poop
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ok, i am now officially done with livejournal. Thank you for giving me a place to vent all my feelings, but you suck now. BYE!!!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 19th, 2001
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7:08 pm - Vacation
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So, for the first time in a long time, I am happy to go on vacation. I am headed off to San Diego California for some well needed R&R (rest and relaxation). We are staying at a nice resort for a while, and then e are off to Los Angeles to go to Disney Land. gOOD tIMES. So, i am upset because i am going to miss a lot of parties, and i will miss my friends, but like, I have had a lot to deal with, and i need to escape my problems for a few days. This will totally take my mind off of everything, and i am hoping that by the time i return, i will have a good atitude about school, getting back into shape, loosing some weight, and trying to work on my friendships with the people who mean the most to me, because lately I have not been doing too good a job at that. But, I promise to every one that when i get back, you will see a side of Ian that few have seen. The positive, up beat, happy Ian, all the time. I am not going to let stupid little things get in my way and drag me down, I am going to be the guy that everyone look at and says, man, i wish I could be that happy with life, because i will be. Its going to rule. I am going to start back up with guitar lessons, and possibly even look into vocal lessons too, so like by the end of the summer, i can really start a band, because every time i talk to justin or jeff, i get so jealous that they have a band. I wanto to be in one so bad. I think i am going to start one with Adam Went, so that should be cool. But, thats all for now, so be on the look out for a new me soon. BYE!!
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 16th, 2001
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3:14 pm - I need to go to a show
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Ok, so I reeeeeeally need to go to a show soon. The next show i have planned is Warped Tour which is mid to end summer. That sucks, its too damn far away. I need a show sooner. If anyone has any info on a good show soon,pleeeease tell me!!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2001
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7:50 pm - perfect girl
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So, here is just a random dumb post where i try to figure out what my ideal girl friend will be like. Here it goes
Personality:
Good sense of humor, laughs at my stupid jokes when no one does, is willing to bend a little, and do somethings thta she just might not want to do to keep me happy (as i would likewise do the same), deals with problems as they arise so they dont wind up bothering us both for a long time, likes to have good clean fun, tries to make spend time with me as much as possible but not too much that i am the only priority in her life.
Looks (keep in mind these are things i like the best, not only things i will look for):
EYES EYES EYES!!! I love blue or green eyes, short dyed hair color or auburn hair, taller than 5 feet but less than 5 foot 6 inches, smooth skin (i relaly like a girl with nice skin) soft lips, good smile, small ears, dimples.
Extras:
Likes Ska and punk music, will go to shows and dance with me, plays an instrument, good singing voice, deffinitley not a shy girl, someone who is open to new things, driving is a good thing, but thats asking for a lot seeing as how im 15.
If you have any suggestions on a good feature, please, by all means tell me!!!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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5:04 pm - Well now.....
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So, i went to see Joe Dirt today with Marissa. It sucked. To make it worse, Marissa was once again a bitch to me. Like, when i tried to compliment her on her hair, all she said was something along the lines of this is how i had it the last time i saw you. Well, whatever, i guess i read to far into that. But, i have come to a conclusion about me and Marissa. We were a great couple. A really great couple. But maybe we just cant be good friends. Marissa finds a lot of flaws in me that i dont see, and i find a lot of flaws in her that she doesnt see. And it doesnt seem that either of us are making enough effort to fix those flaws, because maybe the friendship isnt worth us changing to accomidate it. And i totally am not saying Marissa is entirely to blame, because that isnt true at all, i think we both are to blame....... actually, neither of us are really to blame. We just arent good friends. Thats all there is too it. I plan on still talking to her, and if we see each other i will be friendly, but i dont think either of us really want to be such good friends anyway, and even if we do, we both see that it wont be so easy. Im sorry Marissa if you feel differently about this, but this is how i see it.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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5:04 pm - Well now.....
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So, i went to see Joe Dirt todaywith Marissa. It sucked. To make it worse, Marissawas once again a bitch to me. Like, when i tried to compliment her on her hair, all she said was something along the lines of this is how i had it the last time i saw you. Well, whatever, i guess i read to far into that. But, i have come to a conclusion abou tme and Marissa. We were a great couple. A really great coupl. But maybe we just arent good friends with each other. Marissa finds a lot of flaws in me that i dont see, and i find a lot of flaws in her that i dont see. And it doesnt seem that either of us are making enough effort to fix those flaws, because meybe the friendship isnt worth changing to accomidate it. And i totally am not saying Marissa is entirely to blame, because it isnt true at all, i think we both are to blame....... actually, neither of us are really to blame. We just arent good friends. Thats all there is too it. I plan on still talking to her, and if we see each other i will be friendly, but i dont think either of us really want to be such good friends anyway, and even if we do, we both see it wont be so easy. Im sorry Marissa if you feel differently about this, but this is ho wi see it.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 5th, 2001
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8:48 pm - What the hell was that....
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Ok, so a month or two ago, i went to Washington D.C. While on the trip, we were walking around the city, and i came across this really cool store that sold really cheap punk cloths, cd's and memoribilia. I told Marissa about it, and she thought it sounded cool. So, a week ago she tells me she is going to Washington, and she would like to know where the store is. I look all over my room for the buisness card of the store, i dump out all my desk drawers and search in everything. I couldnt find it. Now she calls me up and yells at me saying i ruined her spring break. Now, that really bothers me, because she is trying to make me feel like i did something wrong. Im sorry i couldnt find the buisness card. I really am, but i looked everywhere for it. And she just saw it as i ruined her Spring Break. That really bothers me. She has really been acting bitchy to me reciently, and i want nothing more then to stay friends with her, because she is a great person, but the way things are going, i dont see how its possible.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 3rd, 2001
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6:31 pm - update
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So, not a lot has happened reciently. As many of you know me and marissa are officially over. I am not going to say there is a future for us still as boyfriend and girlfriend, because unfortunatly, i dont see one. And, its ok, because i think i finally got ompletly over her. I think we have a great friendship ahead of us, as long as this is a mutual feeling. Which i think it is. So, any way, I got a new bestest friend in the whole wide world now. Jenna is like the coolest person. She came along at exactly the right time, because we both went through the exact same thing with our relationships, at the exact same time, so we really helped each other cope with it. So, thank you jenna!!!! I LOVE YOU BABE!! I think that things are going to turn around for me now. You see, because of my probl;ems with marissa, the past 2 months, my grades fell, and im in for a beating from my parents when report cards come out, but i think i will turn it all around now. Not just school, everything. I need an ian makeover. I had a harsh realization this weekend. I saw someone that i hadnt seen for 2 years, well, my barmitzvah, so 2 and a half, and hse said i am exactly the same guy she remembers..... only cuter. I didnt like this. I knew it was time for a change. Now, what will that change be. I think all of my friends have a littlt they can offer me in different ways, and i will take advantage of every little thing i can. So, Let The change commense!!!!
Im out for now, PEACE!!!!
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 31st, 2001
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10:08 pm - You will be greatly missed......
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There are some people that we all know, who are part of our family, that we never really get to know to well. We always enjoy the time we spend with them, even if it is only like once in every few years, but still, it is nice. Then, for som ereason or another, those people leave us. Well, My great uncle Maxi died a Few hours ago. He had cancer, but he wasnt expected to die. He just did. He was a truly great man, and he was truely loved by many. Now, he is gone, I wanted to post this here, because i wanted other people to know, and this may sound all emo, and sappy, but take every minute you spend with someone seriously, and dont take it for granted. One day, you might loose the ability to spend time with them, and what then....
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 29th, 2001
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9:18 pm - What would you do in this situation.....
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Marissa, I am sorry, but I couldnt keep my feelings inside anymore. I had to have some way of telling you how I really feel.
You make a list of every single quality you could possibly want in a high school relationship, or any relationship at all. You then meet a person, who not only meets all of those standards, sets whole new lists of them. You go out with them, and have a wondergul four months. Then, something happens, and you cant have them anymore. What do you do then. Do you go on, knowing that you are always setteling for second best. Do you go on, knowing that you wont be able to have the thing that makes you more happy than anything you can ever remember having. What if you went through life always feeling depressed, but occasionally, happy because something good occured, then one day, you find a saftey net (that person) and you are just always happy. Then, that saftey net break. Do you try to fix that saftey net?
Well, obviously i miss Marissa. You see, here is how it started. I was watching a movie, Shakespeare In Love. There was a part where William and this girl were lying in bed together, just happy. I fell asleap watching that. While i was sleeping, i had a dream that i was back to the night of Marissa's Sweet 16, and i was sleepng over her house. I dreamed that the exact same thing happened. She walked into the room, layed down, and for a while, i remember being totally, and completley happy. No, happy isnt the word fo rho i was feeling. There is no word that i expresses the emotions i felt, aside from love. What i am trying to say is that I know she doesnt love me. I dont even think she understands what love is, because she hasnt felt it yet. No one can know what it i suntil they feel it for themselves. Well, for that was love. What i feel now, this pain in me that is so strong, that it is making me cry, that is love. I wont admit that i am just a stupid teenager, because that is what everyone wants me to believe. I WONT!!! She always said we were just dumb teenagers, and i believed it. Maybe that is why it didnt work so well at the end. Because once she believed we were just dumb teenagers, it fell apart. Well, we are ore than that. I KNOW IT. And, this isnt the end. It cant be, there is too much left in me for it to be the end. I just hope it isnt the end for her. Because if it is, i am going to pretty lonely for a long time
current mood:  depressed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 23rd, 2001
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2:54 pm - Dreams can make you realize a lot.
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Last night, I had a dream. It was a really weird dream, because I have never had a dream that stuck with me as much as this one did. For some reason, i was going to die. I knew thi sand so did everyone around me. The dream starte doff where I was with my father and brother just talking. What we were talking about, i cant remember. But, I knew that i didnt want to be there. I wasn't sure where i wanted to be, or who i wanted to be with, but i knew it wasnt there. The dream went on, and more weird stuff happened, nothing worht talking about. All of a sudden, i was on the couch in my basement with marissa. We were just laying there, cuddeling like we used to. The last thing i remember from the dream was that just before i woke up, she said something to me, that really has stuck with me all day. She said, dont worry, i love you an deverything will be alright. Why she said this, i dont know, but i cant get it out of my head. This dream really got me thinking. Lately, things havent been going to well with us. But, i realized that when you have something as good as we do, you cant just let it go. All relationships go through hard times. We are in the middle of a hard time. What seperates the relationships that last a few weeks from the ones that last a year is that the ones that last a year had problems, but they stuck it out, and didnt let a bad week or two ruin them. Now, i am not bailing out of this relationship this tie. This time i know there is so much more in store for us and i know that if not tomorrow, or the next day, it will get better soon. What i think Marissa has been trying to tell me lately, and i am just now first understanding it, it that we may be in a slump, but i was the one that put us there. I was so afraid that she wasnt happy with the relationship that i almost convinced my self she was. Infact, if i had only asked her, she would have said no, and things wouldnt be where they are now. I caused these problems, and i am the only one who can fix them. Now, i am ready to let these stupid feelings go, and i am ready to go back to the way things were, where we were so happy together. I miss the day when i made a stupid joke and she laughed at it, or when we I made a fool of myself by trying to think of some great p[et name for her. Well, i did get a good one, Ducky. OOh, and the whole Web-site thing. Hey, lets name our little boy interpunk dot com!!
Any way, i miss that, i need that in my life. I just hope i am not realizing this to late
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 22nd, 2001
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11:01 am - Mr. T vs. Final Fantasy 7
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| Wednesday, March 21st, 2001
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9:27 pm - BRRRRRRUPPPP Stick em' up ha ha stick em' up
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Rock on, man, Reel Big Fish rocks so much. Actually, the blue team does a better version of S.R. than Reel Big Fish. Jeff rules on vocals!!
Any way, so, i started up again with marissa today about how i didnt know where the relationship was going. Now, if any one actually reads this who knows me, you will have noticed how depressed i was the past two days. Well, i thought it was because Marissa was having problems with ou rrelationship. Imagine my surprise when, i finally come to the conclusion that all i really needed to ask her was if she was having problems with the relationship. Her answer would have been no, and i would have been happy. Instead, i ask her everything but that, make assumptions, and drive the both of us nuts. Well, I guess now things shoul dstart to get back to normal. We are both kinda buisy for the next few days, but we will be seeing eachother friday night for the play. Hopefully someday next week, or next weekend we can hang out alone, and things can start getting better.
So, i will be leaving now, my dad just got home. See ya
current mood:  drained
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 19th, 2001
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11:58 am - Im takin marissa to her first show!!!
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Well, im in school now, and im bored so i was looking up some show dates and i found out that one of my favorite bands in the world is playin at the Birch Hill in March. Yup, thats it, you gueesed it, MxPx is playing with 2 of Ians other favorites.... Good Charolet, and Ultimate Fake Book. Now, i just have to go home, see if marissa can go and then buy tickets. I think it will be a pretty good "REAL" first show for her.
Ok, i also must add some thing to this post about the conversation we had last night. I started the conversation trying to find out if there was any reason why we hadnt been talking as much lately as we used to. It got so off topic, and out of hand, that i didnt kno wwhat we had begun to talk about. All i knew was that it had gone to a place that i didnt mean it to go. Any way, at the end of the conversation, Marissa told me something that totally ended all questions i currently have about us. The reason that we arent back to being the great, perfect, fun-loving couple as we used to, is because in the past 4 and a half months, we saw each other for 2 and a half hours. only a half an hour of whic was alone time. Sh esaid, and it made perfect sence, that things with us couldnt possibly get better until we have some real quality time alone together, to just talk about all the little stupid nothings that make life great. So, i am happy!!! Thank you Marissa, for being so understanding about last night. Well, i am going to go to lunch now. TA TA
BBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
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| Saturday, March 17th, 2001
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5:06 pm - Last night.
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So, the Coffee House Last night was a lot of fun. I talked to, and got kind of close with some people i hadnt talked to in a long time, and that was really nice. Also, I was the first person to skank in the history of the Coffee house's existance. After me and corey skanked during the blue teams set, everyone started. We even got a small pit going during Letter Box. At the end of the night, some girl showed me her......well, yeah.....her pu**y. It was nasty. And the weird thing was, until that happened, i could have sworn it was marissa's clone. They looked alike, danced alike, had the same hair, and the same glasses. But it so was not marissa, because marissa isnt skanky and gross like that. Marissa rules. Any ways, he Blue team rocked last night, because they dedicated the Coffee Song to me!!!! And i love that song. So, i had a fun night, Peace out!!!
current mood:  dorky
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 15th, 2001
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7:50 pm - Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!
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So, Marissa came over, and all is well. Despite her being a major poop for the first hour and a half we were together, it was fun. Justin and Jill came over too, so it was fun to watch Jill kick his ass, even though he thought he was beating her ass down. When i tried to be all cute, and copy them, i think i really bruised marissa's butt, and mader her nauseous. Any way, it was ok, because when they left, we were back to our same old selves. I was so nervous though for some reason. Maybe it was because i knew my grandma was upstairs, and could look down at any moment (thats so much worse than a parent walking in). I said i was just really cold, which i was, but......well, dont know, it was weird, but i was so happy to be able to spend just that half an hour alone with Marissa. We cuddled, which was the thing i missed most about us. I mean, we made out too, which was very fun, but the cuddling was great. I missed that so much about our relationship. And i got it back now, so YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!
current mood: dorky
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 14th, 2001
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5:49 pm - Marissa said i have too.......
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So, Marissa says i need to update this thing more. So, i am. So, im so happy, tomorrow i get to chill with her for the first time in like 3 weeks, and also my good pal justin and his girlfriend jill. I will be on my best behavior while they are here, because my grandma is staying with us. Yes, my parents are away, but i am far to well disiplined to throw a party, or any thing like that. But, hey, speaking of justin, go to see his band play the coffee house in denville this friday night. The Blue Team. It is so cool, they rock. They call me their manager, cause i do a lot of promoting for them , and i get them shows, so i get the title, watch for them to dedicate a song to me too!!!!
Well, im out.
See ya
current mood:  horny
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